Burka Avenger

In case you don’t find the title interesting, I’m guessing it’s because you’re unsure of what burqa actually means. Well…

This is a burqa (AKA niqab) wearer contrasted with a non-burqa wearer.

Burqa is the Urdu word for ninja. Have you seriously ever seen anything closer resemble a ninja than an actual ninja?

It was probably from this connection that Pakistani pop star Haroon decided that Pakistan needed their own Batman and created the Burka Avenger, known by day as Jiya, who has been described as a “mild-mannered teacher” at a girl’s school.

Whenever someone is described as “mild-mannered”, you know shit is gonna go down.

Without further ado, Burka Avenger,

Now those aren’t like some cool Wolverine/X-23 claws, those are just pencils. She fights crime with pencils and books. To be fair, this is a children’s show. I really should have mentioned that at the start.

The interesting thing about this show is not only the crazy ridiculous premise that I’d always have in the back of my mind whenever I saw a sexy pair of eyes behind a burqa but it’s concerning it’s massive coverage on, like, all news. Including BBC, The Guardian and the ever-knowledgeable Daily Mail.

This is mainly due to the fact that she’s wearing a burqa, which is pretty much exclusively worn by oppressed women and extreme sociophobes.

What the Burka Avenger does is fight terrorists who try to shut down a girl’s school because apparently that’s what they actually do in real life. It’s just that they’d rather not allow girls to become educated women with a mind of their own. It’s not what their twisted version of Islam calls for. This is a version of Islam that promises seventy-two virgins, so the aspirations of women can’t be too high.

By the way, my religion offers seventy-THREE virgins if you follow this blog and don’t explode yourself. Unless you can do it naturally, in which case, do it in your own home.

Anyways, she fights terrorists and tries to keep her school open. She doesn’t wear a burqa as a teacher, but does wear it as a crime fighter, which is where the problem comes in. Apparently.

You see, ultra-feminists, have not taken kindly to this. What was that? Did I just hear a collective “Oh for fuck sake”?

They say, alien to the concept of superheroes, that the Burka Avenger can only be powerful while hiding behind a burqa. There’s two reasons this is utter bullshit, one is that she is a teacher in a Pakistani school and two, FUCKING SPIDER-MAN, BATMAN, CATWOMAN, BATGIRL and almost every superhero ever conceived wears a god damn mask, you whores! Sorry, maybe that was a bit out of hand, just stop trying to pick on everything, it gets exhausting.

I’m just saying, the idea for this show could be somewhat beneficial in terms of how influential Pakistani TV shows can be and despite my aversion to women wearing burqas, I do like the idea of a ninja burqa woman who fights the taliban. I just wish they’d make a more graphic version. Graphic as in violence. I’m not looking for burqa nudity.