Season Two

What’s this?

This blog was renewed for a second season?

And what else was that?

Just like Seth McFarlane’s Dads, no one asked for it to be brought back?

Well unlike Dads, I’m not pathetic, I’ve just gone under-appreciated. But now I’m back to bring you all that news you didn’t know you wanted to know. Or you did know you didn’t want to know. Whatever your thoughts, I’m gonna be posting here anyways so stay tuned or fuck off (don’t…please).

In case you guys didn’t know, since I’ve been away a lot of stuff has happened.

True Detective killed it, Fargo killed it and Game of Thrones killed people.

Community was ended by NBC, then ignored by Hulu before being saved by the unlikely hero, Yahoo!. When the fuck did Yahoo! get into TV shows, who knows, but they saved Community.

Also The Simpsons is crossing over with Family Guy, and then it’s crossing over with Futurama.

DC are releasing a trilogy of TV shows (namely Flash, Constantine and Gotham) and Marvel have a Daredevil and Agent Carter TV show in the making.

…this is what the internet gives you when you Google Flash.

Doctor Who is returning in just a month, with a new old face.

Breaking Bad spin-off “Better Call Saul” information has been revealed.

Heroes, that really promising show that jumped the shark, stumbled upon landing and fell off a well placed cliff, is returning in some kinda reboot.

That’s some of the news that I’ll be rehashing in later posts, but giving a little more detail and using a lot more words that look like they’re meant to be funny, in some way. Stay tuned.

Classic TV Moment: Dragon Ball Z

Dragon Ball Z is really something special. During its run, thousands of children all over the world popped blood vessels and pulled muscles trying to achieve the legendary Super Saiyan form.

As far as I’m aware, no one succeeded. Of course, to become Super Saiyan you’d have to be a Saiyan warrior, preferably with the name of a vegetable. Like potato. Or onion. And both of them are fucking vegetables.

Goku AKA Kakarot fulfilled these requirements. And after hearing about the mysterious Super Saiyan level during the previous sagas, its first appearance became frickin‘ historical. Goku turning Super Saiyan for the first time was one of the best moments I’ve ever witnessed on TV. This moment was spoilt for me years later when I found out who voiced Goku.

Apparently this guy passed out from screaming in the recording booth. He’s so damn meek! I know it’s not his fault…with his fucking sideburns.

So the classic TV moment is Goku going blonde. It was amazing. Granted Krillin dying wasn’t the most terrible thing to happen for two reasons: one, he achieved very little and was a liability in general to the Z Warriors and two, everyone in this show is brought back to life all the fucking time. I know there’s that whole “three chances to wish them back” thing, but even when Goku properly died, he still came back…except he had a halo. He literally only became more spectacular. He’s like a cool Jesus.

…not that Jesus isn’t cool.

So Goku turning Super Saiyan 1 was fantabulous. Gohan turning Super Saiyan 2 was pretty funky too. Then everyone just turned Super Saiyan and it kinda became meh.

I mean…Goten does it by accident just to kick his mother ? What a dick.

Done. I’ve released all the pent up fanboy emotions I’ve been thriving off. And once my suppressed nerd rage becomes too much again, I’ll be talking about Pokemon.

Because this blog wasn’t made to attract women.

Agents of Gotham: The New Commissioner Gordon Series

Yesterday, the Marvel TV series tie-in, Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., premièred.

Yesterday, it was also coincidentally announced that FOX are going through with the new DC TV series tie-in, Gotham. 

I’m kidding, of course it’s not a bloody coincidence, DC were being timely dicks. But it happened and the show’ll focus on the hard-working, oft-moustachio’d Commissioner Gordon.

Not the death-defying Gary Oldman James Gordon, but a younger Detective Gordon. One who hasn’t met Batman. 

Don’t fucking expect Batman.

And definitely don’t expect Robert “Everybody Love Me” Downey Jr. 

I could have said Iron Man, but I think internet dwellers get instant boners when they hear his name. 

JENNIFER LAWRENCE!

Too much? Is the amount of awesomeness too damn high, is it? Is it, meme people?

You know what? Don’t expect any superhero to make an appearance. It’s been said that Gotham will not feature any. However, we do get villains. Specifically “the villains that made Gotham famous”. 

It seems like Gotham might be focussing on mob bosses like the Falcone family and probably other well-known Gotham residents. Maybe we’ll get the occasional “supervillain” like Calendar Man, Riddler and hopefully the Holiday Killer. 

No announcements have been made as to who will be who since a bunch of networks have just finished bidding for it, but British writer Bruno Heller (The Mentalist, Rome) is set to pen the script.

That’s all the information I have from my inside source.

Keep coming back for…stuff…I write. It’s not boring sometimes!

YouTube’s Greatest – The Godfather (As Voiced by Spongebob and Friends)

This is a great thing. Especially the scene where Spongebob is Don Vito Corleone.

And this video is brought to you by

“Naji’s Busy Day – They Don’t Come Often, But When They Do, There Sure As Hell Won’t Be A Written Post”

Chris Lilley’s “Private School Girl”

The genius behind We Can Be Heroes, Angry Boys and Summer Heights High has finally revealed his new show, Private School Girl.

What’s that I hear you say? You haven’t heard of any of these shows? That’s because they were all made in Australia, by Australian Chris Lilley. And we all thought Neighbours was the only TV show produced in that far away land.

Each of these TV series is filmed as a mockumentary. There are several characters whose lives are focused on and each one of these main characters are played by Chris Lilley. And Chris Lilley is fucking epic at acting. 

Now this isn’t some Jack and Jill or Norbit situation where he wears a fat suit and/or make-up and acts like bad theatre actor at improv. His characters are intricate, with their own mannerisms and distinct personalities. Throughout his career, he’s played an unruly set of twins (one deaf, both dicks), a middle-aged woman who rolls around everywhere, a flamboyant, self-obsessed drama teacher, a troubled Tongan bully, a sellout “hip-hop” artist, a Japanese mother who incorrectly and obsessively markets her skateboarder son as gay and a teenage girl who embodies the word “bitch”.

 

Chris Lilley may also be one of the greatest writers of realistic dialogue that I have ever seen. If you watch an episode, you’ll notice that every actor delivers their lines so naturally and so perfectly. I don’t know if the casting is impeccable or if Lilley’s writing just cannot be poorly acted. 

I’m not exaggerating. They probably talk more realistically than you do. It’s that well done.

Ok now, back to this new show he’s releasing. It centres around the aforementioned teenage girl named Ja’mie (pronounced JA-MAY), who has appeared in two of his TV shows so far as a central character. He hasn’t really given much other information and says he’d rather the fans enjoy the surprise. Honestly, I just think he’s more comfortable communicating to the masses through something other than his own skin. Maybe he has the most fun case of multiple personality disorder.

Just watched one clip of this show and I guarantee you will make laughter sounds.

Dads Pilot

Oh my, how long I’ve been waiting for this moment. Anyone who’s read a decent portion of my blog knows that I do not find Seth MacFarlane to be the most revolutionary TV show writer, and although I like Family Guy, I’ve blasted him and pretty much all his shows as well as this one, Dads.

Now where do I begin? How about the laughter track? The purpose of laughter track escapes me. The only way a laughter track could be good was if it featured everybody from the Skype laughter chain, and even then, if they split their sides at every little fucking line, it’d get annoying. If anything, it only served to remind how me how utterly unfunny and shitty the jokes were.

Seth Green’s face here perfectly mirrors my exact reaction while watching Dads.

Oh, and the amount of cheap jokes about stereotypes in this show could pose some problems later on in the series when they inevitably run out of stereotypes to repeat. Let’s play guess what culture the jokes are talking about!

“My dad beat me with a math book till I was sixteen.”

“No, because you’re going to dress up as a sexy, [blank] schoolgirl.”

“And thanks to your beautiful maid for making all this food”/“I’m his wife.”

“The [blank] are lovely and honourable people, but you can’t trust them.”

“That creepy translator texted me a picture of his tiny penis.”

Did you get it? It went Chinese, Chinese, Latina, Chinese and Chinese. I’m not offended by the stereotypes (despite the first and last ones actually reinforcing them), but it seems like extremely lazy writing directed at people who laugh more than punk criminals in 90’s action movies.

Now, obviously due to my well-documented but largely unseen dislike towards this show even prior to its release, you might think I have been really fucking bias. And I understand. But I was well aware of that before I started watching it, so I decided I would try my hardest to smile if I found anything they said or did even relatively amusing.

Now if that’s not the most airtight solution in gaining a fair balance, I don’t know what is.

I smiled twice, once towards the end when Seth Green’s character, Eli sees his dad in the taxi at a red light and another time when I saw a funky light-up PS3 controller that Eli and Warner were using, which turned out to be the best thing about this show.

An extremely lame and forced deus ex machine, fittingly, resolves the plot. After a deal went wrong earlier in the show, Eli, Warner and their fathers walk into their workplace, talk for a while, before Brenda Song’s character comes in and says they got the deal. How? The translator texted her a dick pic and she threatened to make it public unless he convinced his bosses to take the deal. Because fuck it.

I don’t know much about businesses, but how much power does a sub-par translator (who didn’t seem very fluent in English considering he was working for a company that is investing millions) have?

The show ends with each one of the characters making a separate joke about the penis picture.

If I had to rate this show, its unlovable characters and its half-assed, overused plot, I’d give it a “fuck you” out of 10. Because that’s what I’d say to any fans of the show and that’s what Seth MacFarlane is saying to original comedy.

More Harry Potter. Kinda.

If you liked Harry Potter enough when you were young, you may have come across the spin-off books Fantastical Beasts and Where to Find Them and Quidditch Throughout the Ages, the latter being somewhat less exciting considering it was the history and rules of a sport that does not exist, the rules of which were not at all consistent with the Harry Potter series.

Luckily, J.K. Rowling has decided that Fantastical Beasts and Where to Find Them should be it’s own movie series. Fuck yeah.

The film will centre on the author of the textbook, Newt Scamander, as he documents all the magical creatures that exist in the world. This guy used to be a Magizoologist for the Ministry of Magic, so you know he’s legit. Or he was legit. The film will be set around the 1920’s, so we can really get a look at how NOTHING SEEMS TO CHANGE in the world of witches and wizards.

Like, seriously…they use fucking candles and gas lamps to light everything,  they have some strict aversion to any kind of technology and they have never thought to add nitrous oxide systems to their broomsticks. Actually, this should come as no surprise when none of the witches and wizards really go onto become something like engineers or scientists. Their career options are apparently limited to working at the Ministry, becoming a professor or running a shop in Diagon Alley. Or Quidditch, if they’re willing to die young.

J.K. Rowling has said that “Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is neither a prequel nor a sequel to the Harry Potter series, but an extension of the wizarding world,” which is fine by me. Seeing the Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny and Draco as adults who hadn’t finished puberty at the end of the series was enough hilarity for me.

Warner Bros approached the author with the idea and after deliberation, she decided she wanted to write the screenplay herself. And they let her, presumably because Warner Bros can smell money from her every orifice. Eww…I’m sorry guys and gals.

Expect tons of awesome CG magical beasts and an intriguing story that hopefully includes less camping in the woods.

Fargo: The TV Show

I don’t even know what to say. Why are so many fucking films being turned into TV shows? Like there isn’t enough shows on television, they have to go and put every decent film on the small screen. And Fargo is one of those films.

That being said, Fargo was given to us by the wonderful Coen brothers who also gave us such crazy characters as the Dude, Anton Chigurh, Barton Fink and John Goodman, in some truly great movies.

Fargo  was released in 1996 and focused on the misadventures of some inept criminals who are being pursued by a pregnant police woman. While I watched the film at a young age, those ridiculous Scandinavian accents tend to stick in your head. It seems like it’s hard to sound depressed with that accent. All the “oh yah”, “dontcha know” and “you betchya” always sounded so damn jolly.

I also recall something about a woodchipper. Or am I thinking about a new lumberjack reality TV series? 

Anyway, this show is being made into a TV series, dontcha know? It will be a 10 part series on FX and will feature the expertly-named, Billy Bob Thornton (who’s full name could well be William Robert Thornton), as a “rootless, manipulative man who meets a small town insurance salesman and sets him on a path of destruction”. 

It has been made clear that the TV show will not crossover with the original, but will stay “remarkable true to the film”.

The Coen brothers will, regrettably, not be directing it, instead passing it off to the director of Bones. Which is…you know…good for him. Ethan and Joel Cohen will be the executive producers on the series, and no more. 

I for one would like to see a TV series involving John Turturro as Jesus, as he works through the bowling regionals and nationals and sectionals and all the stuff from Glee, but with less singing and more balls.

Are there any particular films that you people think would translate well on TV? If so, let me know! Or keep the comments to yourself, which is what usually happens when I try to engage my readers. You guys are dicks. I try to involve you and I get diddly squat back. ABSO-DIDDLY SQUAT.

I will now proceed to go and cry into a pillow shaped like a dedicated bobloblawslawbomblowblowblog visitor.

SIDE NOTE: Remember that little “Lumberjack reality TV series” joke I made earlier in this post? Well…out of curiosity, I Googled to see if there actually was a show like this and, presented by the History channel’s confusion as to the definition of “history”, lo and behold Ax Men. 

YouTube’s Greatest – Exploding Actresses

Someone had the idea of editing the heads of actresses, in famous movies, to explode at the perfect moment. You didn’t ever thinking of doing that because you’re not a creative genius.

This video is serious time-wasting material for you, but a time-saving post for me.

This guy has also exploded the head of Johnny Depp, many Disney princesses and he even had Zazu the baboon throw Simba to his death in The Lion King.

Arrested Development: The Movie

This news is so colossal, I’m questioning why issues concerning Syria are taking up front pages.

Yes, I realise that Arrested Development is a TV show and the Syria dilemma is real life, but my priorities are clearly a bit fucked up. That’s my excuse. Deal with it.

If you didn’t get it from the cryptic title, Arrested Development is in the process of having a film made of it.

The creator, Mitch Hurwitz said these exact words in the following order.

“I’m working on the movie right now, I can’t get into much more detail because I don’t want to scare anybody off. I don’t want to be presumptuous about it.”

After waiting the long wait we had to for Season 4, it should be known that despite his unsure tone, this seems a lot more solid and reliable than the casts’ and his own comments on the continuation of the show after the third season.

He even said, “I’m hoping it happens as soon as possible”. So are we Mitch. So are we.

He assures us further with, “A TV season is a sixth month commitment, but I think it would be very doable to get them together for four or five weeks to make a movie.”

Spoilers follow these words. Be warned.

The last season ended on a bit of an awkward cliffhanger that kinda felt like it should have just cut away to a different scene. Instead it left us abruptly without a follow-up episode, ending with George Miharis having just punched Michael for knowingly going out with Rebel Alley at the same time as his son.

The spoilers have ended and now let me come with the kicker. Apparently Mitch Hurwitz’s would ideally like to make another season once the film is done with. Isn’t this awesome?