Season Two

What’s this?

This blog was renewed for a second season?

And what else was that?

Just like Seth McFarlane’s Dads, no one asked for it to be brought back?

Well unlike Dads, I’m not pathetic, I’ve just gone under-appreciated. But now I’m back to bring you all that news you didn’t know you wanted to know. Or you did know you didn’t want to know. Whatever your thoughts, I’m gonna be posting here anyways so stay tuned or fuck off (don’t…please).

In case you guys didn’t know, since I’ve been away a lot of stuff has happened.

True Detective killed it, Fargo killed it and Game of Thrones killed people.

Community was ended by NBC, then ignored by Hulu before being saved by the unlikely hero, Yahoo!. When the fuck did Yahoo! get into TV shows, who knows, but they saved Community.

Also The Simpsons is crossing over with Family Guy, and then it’s crossing over with Futurama.

DC are releasing a trilogy of TV shows (namely Flash, Constantine and Gotham) and Marvel have a Daredevil and Agent Carter TV show in the making.

…this is what the internet gives you when you Google Flash.

Doctor Who is returning in just a month, with a new old face.

Breaking Bad spin-off “Better Call Saul” information has been revealed.

Heroes, that really promising show that jumped the shark, stumbled upon landing and fell off a well placed cliff, is returning in some kinda reboot.

That’s some of the news that I’ll be rehashing in later posts, but giving a little more detail and using a lot more words that look like they’re meant to be funny, in some way. Stay tuned.

Chris Lilley’s “Private School Girl”

The genius behind We Can Be Heroes, Angry Boys and Summer Heights High has finally revealed his new show, Private School Girl.

What’s that I hear you say? You haven’t heard of any of these shows? That’s because they were all made in Australia, by Australian Chris Lilley. And we all thought Neighbours was the only TV show produced in that far away land.

Each of these TV series is filmed as a mockumentary. There are several characters whose lives are focused on and each one of these main characters are played by Chris Lilley. And Chris Lilley is fucking epic at acting. 

Now this isn’t some Jack and Jill or Norbit situation where he wears a fat suit and/or make-up and acts like bad theatre actor at improv. His characters are intricate, with their own mannerisms and distinct personalities. Throughout his career, he’s played an unruly set of twins (one deaf, both dicks), a middle-aged woman who rolls around everywhere, a flamboyant, self-obsessed drama teacher, a troubled Tongan bully, a sellout “hip-hop” artist, a Japanese mother who incorrectly and obsessively markets her skateboarder son as gay and a teenage girl who embodies the word “bitch”.

 

Chris Lilley may also be one of the greatest writers of realistic dialogue that I have ever seen. If you watch an episode, you’ll notice that every actor delivers their lines so naturally and so perfectly. I don’t know if the casting is impeccable or if Lilley’s writing just cannot be poorly acted. 

I’m not exaggerating. They probably talk more realistically than you do. It’s that well done.

Ok now, back to this new show he’s releasing. It centres around the aforementioned teenage girl named Ja’mie (pronounced JA-MAY), who has appeared in two of his TV shows so far as a central character. He hasn’t really given much other information and says he’d rather the fans enjoy the surprise. Honestly, I just think he’s more comfortable communicating to the masses through something other than his own skin. Maybe he has the most fun case of multiple personality disorder.

Just watched one clip of this show and I guarantee you will make laughter sounds.

Fargo: The TV Show

I don’t even know what to say. Why are so many fucking films being turned into TV shows? Like there isn’t enough shows on television, they have to go and put every decent film on the small screen. And Fargo is one of those films.

That being said, Fargo was given to us by the wonderful Coen brothers who also gave us such crazy characters as the Dude, Anton Chigurh, Barton Fink and John Goodman, in some truly great movies.

Fargo  was released in 1996 and focused on the misadventures of some inept criminals who are being pursued by a pregnant police woman. While I watched the film at a young age, those ridiculous Scandinavian accents tend to stick in your head. It seems like it’s hard to sound depressed with that accent. All the “oh yah”, “dontcha know” and “you betchya” always sounded so damn jolly.

I also recall something about a woodchipper. Or am I thinking about a new lumberjack reality TV series? 

Anyway, this show is being made into a TV series, dontcha know? It will be a 10 part series on FX and will feature the expertly-named, Billy Bob Thornton (who’s full name could well be William Robert Thornton), as a “rootless, manipulative man who meets a small town insurance salesman and sets him on a path of destruction”. 

It has been made clear that the TV show will not crossover with the original, but will stay “remarkable true to the film”.

The Coen brothers will, regrettably, not be directing it, instead passing it off to the director of Bones. Which is…you know…good for him. Ethan and Joel Cohen will be the executive producers on the series, and no more. 

I for one would like to see a TV series involving John Turturro as Jesus, as he works through the bowling regionals and nationals and sectionals and all the stuff from Glee, but with less singing and more balls.

Are there any particular films that you people think would translate well on TV? If so, let me know! Or keep the comments to yourself, which is what usually happens when I try to engage my readers. You guys are dicks. I try to involve you and I get diddly squat back. ABSO-DIDDLY SQUAT.

I will now proceed to go and cry into a pillow shaped like a dedicated bobloblawslawbomblowblowblog visitor.

SIDE NOTE: Remember that little “Lumberjack reality TV series” joke I made earlier in this post? Well…out of curiosity, I Googled to see if there actually was a show like this and, presented by the History channel’s confusion as to the definition of “history”, lo and behold Ax Men. 

Ugly Americans Pilot

Recently I realised that I’ve done nothing but praise the pilots I’ve watched like I’m being paid by various channels to vigorously promote their programs. With my following and influence, they’d clearly be making a massive mistake in overestimating my importance. Maybe I need to review shows that don’t immediately appeal to me or maybe I should just slam a TV show that I love for the sake of keeping some kind of balance. Hmm…

Ugly Americans is absolutely terrible. It’s so terrible that I’m on the second season and I can’t stand it. I’ve seen the pilot twice and I regret it. 

The show revolves around a man named Mark Lily, a social worker in the most bizarrely integrated New York ever conceived. A city festering with monsters, manbirds whose language consists mostly of variations of the sentence “Suck my balls”, koala people, demons, wizards, sexually reproducing trees, horny zombies, timid trolls and land whales.

Is there really any more to talk about? That sounds like a pile of shit. A TV show where the plot limits match the limits of the writers’ imagination? Who the fuck thought that would be a good idea?

When a TV show has episodes about treegasms, manbirds boxing with their dicks, King Kong’s agoraphobia and Mark having to kill 499 little baby versions of his wizard friend, I almost don’t ever want to stop writing lists of things in Ugly Americans since they all sound so fucking unusual on paper.

Watch this. I can’t keep writing it’s crap out of fear that people might take it seriously (I have very little faith in human intelligence). So if you watch anything I’ve recommended so far, let it be this. Then you’ll have so much faith in my opinion that I’ll never have to try and convince you to do anything again.