Blog Redesign

As you may have notice/been blinded by, my blog has changed significantly. There are numerous reasons I’ve done this:

1) Because important things like Recent Posts, Archives, the Follow button and whatnot were all hidden away at the bottom of the page and it’s likely it went under the radar of anyone who wasn’t scouring the blog. I made one attempt to draw attention to the problem in the wittily titled post, Fucking Blog. But I didn’t consider the obvious problem that after a few days, that post would disappear and the only way to find it would have been to go to the bottom, in which case the post would be totally moot. So this new blog design has all that stuff on the side now. Because I know you were all looking for the Follow button, you just couldn’t find it. No excuses now.

Did I say numerous reasons? I meant one lengthy reason.

The fucking bright yellow colour is due to me being unable to fucking save the fucking changes I fucking made when I was trying to fucking customise the fucking theme.

Fucking.

So until I figure out how to fix that, you cannot look at my blog for over 10 seconds for fear of inflicting permanent cornea damage. 

It’s not that bad though right? It kinda makes you happy, makes you think there’s hope in the world. Up until you read the words. 

Well…This is Awkward

False alarm…there’s no virus.

You don’t have to be hesitant when clicking a link to my blog. Well, no more hesitant than you usually are. Tomorrow I’ll try and resume normal posts with words that go together to fit in more with my actual blog subject

This post was not written by a virus in order to lower your guard. So you might as well just turn off your antivirus before you come to this website.

Go on, turn it off.

Virus Scare

On my PC at home, when opening my beautiful blog, an antivirus alert popped up on the screen.

Ho-ly SHIT!

But I checked the website from mine and my brother’s laptop and everything seems fine. No virus in sight. So it should be fine for most computers.

There are two reasons I’ve written a post regarding this.

1) In case someone thinks I’m trying to attack them with a virus. Just to clarify, I am not. If I wanted to attack you, I would attack you directly. Then run.

2) I need to write a post and this is all post-worthy material.

This doesn’t seem to be from any of the links (which were all taken from either YouTube or Wikipedia) so as long as you have antivirus, it should be fine.

If anyone else finds the antivirus message looming in the corner, holla at me to let me know and I’ll try and sort it out. You know…as best as I can. I guess.

Blog Demise

Without my supervision, my blog has plummeted.

But I refuse to give up on it. Every time I give up on something, a little bit of me dies inside. Over the years, a lot of me has died.

I don’t want to become a zombie. I want to kill them.

This blog shall be successful. You will read this blog. Eventually I mean…I hope. My Mum says it’ll get views. She’s sometimes right.

More Excuses

I apologise for another missed post, this time because I was actually busy all day. I am very rarely busy, but from morning to night I somehow found myself preoccupied.

After taking my sister shopping briefly in the morning, I went to the Natural History Museum with two people. Both of whom happily made occasionally random noises including but not limited to meowing and Spongebob laughter.

I also found myself alone in a dark room with a giant human foetus.

When I returned home, there were puppies. We lit those puppies. It was awesome. They were potent puppies.

Fucking Blog

There’s a few things wrong with making this blog. It’s not my writing, obviously. That’s up to standards every day. It’s more to do with the blog layout.

As awesome as this theme is, it means all the information is at the bottom of the page. And I have deeply rooted fears that people are missing the important links and such which are out of view.

I’m particular worried that people cannot see the “Follow via Email” link. That can be the only reason I have so few followers. I’m not in denial. Why would you think that? You’re in denial. Asshole.

If you can’t be bothered to scroll down, here’s a picture

See, there’s a search box…to search things. It’s like a shitter Google. At least all the RESULTS will RESULT in laughter. That’s the kind of humour you’re missing.

There’s comment things. To see who’s commented. Interesting stuff. And if you comment, you’ll have your name up there! How cool would that be huh?

Also, there’s a link to globalgrey.co.uk. Which is a useful website, especially if you do English Literature and can’t afford to buy all the books. Like me.

Most importantly, there’s a little button that straight up demands that you “Follow”.

Support this website and keep me from self-harm. You don’t want my blood on your hands.

Missed Post

For anyone keeping track (I know that sounds extremely optimistic), I didn’t make a post yesterday. Which felt scandalous after I’d given as little effort as I could to the post the day before (“Phrasing. BOOM!“). If you haven’t watched that video yet, watch it. I’m sure it’ll change your life for the better.

I’m afraid I’ve disappointed my few followers, among them a blogger who considers himself a prophet.

Fuck you all. A prophet follows my blog. I’ve basically made it.

Also, here is a note to explain my absence.