Classic TV Moment: Dragon Ball Z

Dragon Ball Z is really something special. During its run, thousands of children all over the world popped blood vessels and pulled muscles trying to achieve the legendary Super Saiyan form.

As far as I’m aware, no one succeeded. Of course, to become Super Saiyan you’d have to be a Saiyan warrior, preferably with the name of a vegetable. Like potato. Or onion. And both of them are fucking vegetables.

Goku AKA Kakarot fulfilled these requirements. And after hearing about the mysterious Super Saiyan level during the previous sagas, its first appearance became frickin‘ historical. Goku turning Super Saiyan for the first time was one of the best moments I’ve ever witnessed on TV. This moment was spoilt for me years later when I found out who voiced Goku.

Apparently this guy passed out from screaming in the recording booth. He’s so damn meek! I know it’s not his fault…with his fucking sideburns.

So the classic TV moment is Goku going blonde. It was amazing. Granted Krillin dying wasn’t the most terrible thing to happen for two reasons: one, he achieved very little and was a liability in general to the Z Warriors and two, everyone in this show is brought back to life all the fucking time. I know there’s that whole “three chances to wish them back” thing, but even when Goku properly died, he still came back…except he had a halo. He literally only became more spectacular. He’s like a cool Jesus.

…not that Jesus isn’t cool.

So Goku turning Super Saiyan 1 was fantabulous. Gohan turning Super Saiyan 2 was pretty funky too. Then everyone just turned Super Saiyan and it kinda became meh.

I mean…Goten does it by accident just to kick his mother ? What a dick.

Done. I’ve released all the pent up fanboy emotions I’ve been thriving off. And once my suppressed nerd rage becomes too much again, I’ll be talking about Pokemon.

Because this blog wasn’t made to attract women.

Agents of Gotham: The New Commissioner Gordon Series

Yesterday, the Marvel TV series tie-in, Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., premièred.

Yesterday, it was also coincidentally announced that FOX are going through with the new DC TV series tie-in, Gotham. 

I’m kidding, of course it’s not a bloody coincidence, DC were being timely dicks. But it happened and the show’ll focus on the hard-working, oft-moustachio’d Commissioner Gordon.

Not the death-defying Gary Oldman James Gordon, but a younger Detective Gordon. One who hasn’t met Batman. 

Don’t fucking expect Batman.

And definitely don’t expect Robert “Everybody Love Me” Downey Jr. 

I could have said Iron Man, but I think internet dwellers get instant boners when they hear his name. 

JENNIFER LAWRENCE!

Too much? Is the amount of awesomeness too damn high, is it? Is it, meme people?

You know what? Don’t expect any superhero to make an appearance. It’s been said that Gotham will not feature any. However, we do get villains. Specifically “the villains that made Gotham famous”. 

It seems like Gotham might be focussing on mob bosses like the Falcone family and probably other well-known Gotham residents. Maybe we’ll get the occasional “supervillain” like Calendar Man, Riddler and hopefully the Holiday Killer. 

No announcements have been made as to who will be who since a bunch of networks have just finished bidding for it, but British writer Bruno Heller (The Mentalist, Rome) is set to pen the script.

That’s all the information I have from my inside source.

Keep coming back for…stuff…I write. It’s not boring sometimes!

YouTube’s Greatest – The Godfather (As Voiced by Spongebob and Friends)

This is a great thing. Especially the scene where Spongebob is Don Vito Corleone.

And this video is brought to you by

“Naji’s Busy Day – They Don’t Come Often, But When They Do, There Sure As Hell Won’t Be A Written Post”

Chris Lilley’s “Private School Girl”

The genius behind We Can Be Heroes, Angry Boys and Summer Heights High has finally revealed his new show, Private School Girl.

What’s that I hear you say? You haven’t heard of any of these shows? That’s because they were all made in Australia, by Australian Chris Lilley. And we all thought Neighbours was the only TV show produced in that far away land.

Each of these TV series is filmed as a mockumentary. There are several characters whose lives are focused on and each one of these main characters are played by Chris Lilley. And Chris Lilley is fucking epic at acting. 

Now this isn’t some Jack and Jill or Norbit situation where he wears a fat suit and/or make-up and acts like bad theatre actor at improv. His characters are intricate, with their own mannerisms and distinct personalities. Throughout his career, he’s played an unruly set of twins (one deaf, both dicks), a middle-aged woman who rolls around everywhere, a flamboyant, self-obsessed drama teacher, a troubled Tongan bully, a sellout “hip-hop” artist, a Japanese mother who incorrectly and obsessively markets her skateboarder son as gay and a teenage girl who embodies the word “bitch”.

 

Chris Lilley may also be one of the greatest writers of realistic dialogue that I have ever seen. If you watch an episode, you’ll notice that every actor delivers their lines so naturally and so perfectly. I don’t know if the casting is impeccable or if Lilley’s writing just cannot be poorly acted. 

I’m not exaggerating. They probably talk more realistically than you do. It’s that well done.

Ok now, back to this new show he’s releasing. It centres around the aforementioned teenage girl named Ja’mie (pronounced JA-MAY), who has appeared in two of his TV shows so far as a central character. He hasn’t really given much other information and says he’d rather the fans enjoy the surprise. Honestly, I just think he’s more comfortable communicating to the masses through something other than his own skin. Maybe he has the most fun case of multiple personality disorder.

Just watched one clip of this show and I guarantee you will make laughter sounds.

Dads Pilot

Oh my, how long I’ve been waiting for this moment. Anyone who’s read a decent portion of my blog knows that I do not find Seth MacFarlane to be the most revolutionary TV show writer, and although I like Family Guy, I’ve blasted him and pretty much all his shows as well as this one, Dads.

Now where do I begin? How about the laughter track? The purpose of laughter track escapes me. The only way a laughter track could be good was if it featured everybody from the Skype laughter chain, and even then, if they split their sides at every little fucking line, it’d get annoying. If anything, it only served to remind how me how utterly unfunny and shitty the jokes were.

Seth Green’s face here perfectly mirrors my exact reaction while watching Dads.

Oh, and the amount of cheap jokes about stereotypes in this show could pose some problems later on in the series when they inevitably run out of stereotypes to repeat. Let’s play guess what culture the jokes are talking about!

“My dad beat me with a math book till I was sixteen.”

“No, because you’re going to dress up as a sexy, [blank] schoolgirl.”

“And thanks to your beautiful maid for making all this food”/“I’m his wife.”

“The [blank] are lovely and honourable people, but you can’t trust them.”

“That creepy translator texted me a picture of his tiny penis.”

Did you get it? It went Chinese, Chinese, Latina, Chinese and Chinese. I’m not offended by the stereotypes (despite the first and last ones actually reinforcing them), but it seems like extremely lazy writing directed at people who laugh more than punk criminals in 90’s action movies.

Now, obviously due to my well-documented but largely unseen dislike towards this show even prior to its release, you might think I have been really fucking bias. And I understand. But I was well aware of that before I started watching it, so I decided I would try my hardest to smile if I found anything they said or did even relatively amusing.

Now if that’s not the most airtight solution in gaining a fair balance, I don’t know what is.

I smiled twice, once towards the end when Seth Green’s character, Eli sees his dad in the taxi at a red light and another time when I saw a funky light-up PS3 controller that Eli and Warner were using, which turned out to be the best thing about this show.

An extremely lame and forced deus ex machine, fittingly, resolves the plot. After a deal went wrong earlier in the show, Eli, Warner and their fathers walk into their workplace, talk for a while, before Brenda Song’s character comes in and says they got the deal. How? The translator texted her a dick pic and she threatened to make it public unless he convinced his bosses to take the deal. Because fuck it.

I don’t know much about businesses, but how much power does a sub-par translator (who didn’t seem very fluent in English considering he was working for a company that is investing millions) have?

The show ends with each one of the characters making a separate joke about the penis picture.

If I had to rate this show, its unlovable characters and its half-assed, overused plot, I’d give it a “fuck you” out of 10. Because that’s what I’d say to any fans of the show and that’s what Seth MacFarlane is saying to original comedy.

September 2013 – TV Shows That You Will Watch.

I’ve thought about another way to get a post done without having to think much about what I’m writing. Since most human beings don’t devote as much time to TV shows as I do, I thought it would be good for everyone to see when certain programs are returning or premiering in September 2013. There are loads of them, but I’ll be filtering out whatever I consider to be crap or something no one should watch, which includes, but in no way is limited to, any TV shows which feature some kind of competition, 99% of generic cop/detective dramas, any reality show which features people doing extreme jobs, any reality show which follows otherwise forgotten people about around and really generally anything I’m not familiar with.

Since it’s 2013, I’m going to going with the dates each of these shows starts in America and you can not wait for them to be released in England. Because fuck national exclusivity.

Here we go:

September 2nd

Comedy Central Roast of James Franco

Roasts are fun. And this one will be hosted by Seth Rogan.

Regular Show – Season 5

A children’s cartoon with a adult following, much like Adventure Time.

September 4th

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia – Season 9

Including and episode written Game of Thrones screenwriters and the gang makes a Lethal Weapon 6

The League – Season 5

It seems like too long since The League’s last season. I want more Rafi.

September 8th

Boardwalk Empire – Season 4

I haven’t got around to watching this, but it’s back.

September 15th

Downton Abbey – Season 4

This is actually the date it’s showing in the UK, so…those who watch it will already know…

September 16th

Sleepy Hollow – NEW

Based on the film, a guy from the Civil War period is in the modern day, hunting down the Headless Horseman. Here’s a link to the trailer.

September 17th

Brooklyn Nine-Nine – NEW

The new Adam Samberg comedy of which I have no idea what to think. I mean, the dude was in Grown Ups 2. Here’s another link.

Dads – NEW

You should know what I think of this. Next month, I shall be proved wrong or right. CRINGE AT THE TRAILER.

The Mindy Project – Season 2

The first episode seemed promising, and it’s been picked up for a second season so you might wanna check this out.

New Girl – Season 3

How interesting can it get now Jess and Nick are together? QUESTIONS!!!

September 18th

Key & Peele – Season 3

God, what a fucking perfect sketch show.

September 22nd

China, IL – Season 2

Just found out that Brad Neeley, webcomic artist, has a fucking Adult Swim TV show.

September 23rd

The Blacklist – NEW

James Spader appears in this drama, which actually looks pretty coolio. I said coolio. Here’s a trailer or a shortened episode.

How I Met Your Mother – Season 9

You might find out who the mother is. I think you do now.

September 24th

Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. – NEW

To tie in with all of Marvel’s films and whatnot. They’re on it. Keep up DC. TRAILER.

The Goldbergs – NEW

Only included this because it has Jeff Garlin and Patton Oswalt narrates. Can’t tell if it’s funny yet. You decide.

Trophy Wife – NEW

Again, only included because I like Bradley Whitford. The voiceovers are getting annoying. Watch the trailer.

September 25th

Modern Family – Season 5

Simply loved by everyone. Can’t diss this.

South Park – Season 17

More sharp, satirical metaphors from the two greatest writers Matt Stone and Trey Parker.

September 26th

The Big Bang Theory – Season 7

It’s funny because they’re smart, but they’re geeks.

The Crazy Ones – NEW

A show about how normal people react to Robin Williams. And the trailer.

Elementary – Season 2

Watch this while you wait for Sherlock to come back.

Glee – Season 5

Included because my sister watches this and Cory Montieth died.

The Michael J. Fox Show – NEW

I assume this will be a lot like the Squigglevision I was talking about in Dr. Katz. The trailer, for your viewing pleasures.

Parks and Recreation – Season 6

Apparently there’ll be an hour-special set in London. Like Friends.

September 29th

American Dad – Season 10

Knock off Family Guy already in it’s tenth season. Let’s hope Dads dies earlier.

Bob’s Burgers – Season 4

Yes. Just yes.

Eastbound & Down – Season 4

Such an American TV show with such an American guy. About baseball and starring redneck Danny McBride.

Family Guy – Season 12

Jesus Seth, no wonder Dads is looking bleak. Just in case you didn’t get it, Dads will flop.

Hello Ladies – NEW

Stephen Merchant’s new HBO sitcom, starring himself and his friend, the American Barry from Eastenders. Here’s a mini trailer.

Homeland – Season 3

Featuring gingerman and woman who looks like she’s really annoying.

The Simpsons – Season 25

FUCKING HELL. Does anyone still keep up to date with The Simpsons?

That’s all, I’ll do another one for next month I guess. This could become a regular thing,

You’re welcomo.