Chris Traeger and Ann Perkins!

Do you not read the news due to the overwhelming amount of horrible information? The kind of information that can immediately turn your day to shit, or will make you feel like an asshole for leading a comparatively happy life.

That being said, it’s important for everyone to know that Chris Traeger (Rob Lowe) and Ann Perkins! (Rashida Jones) are leaving Parks and Recreation in the next season. I was worried shitless that Andy Dwyer (Chris Pratt) would leave too due to his Guardians of the Galaxy role, but it seems we can cherish him for a while longer. And cherish him we shall, especially in light of Chris and Ann’s departure, my very favourite people in the world.

Their final episode will be thirteen episodes into Season 6, but with the knowledge that they’re leaving, it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. Why are people so cruel?

Showbiz eh? Fucking showbiz.

Anyone who remembers the last season might get an idea as to why the two will be leaving. Anyone who hasn’t seen the last season, SPOILER ALERT, they start trying for a baby. One that will literally be the single most perfect child in existence.

Stay positive guys.

Axe Cop: Written by an 8-Year-Old

Axe Cop currently exists as a webcomic which was the brainchild of one Ethan Nicolle, a comic artist, writer and creator. He has been alive for 29 years, but what’s most awesome about this webcomic is that it started with his five year old brother, Malachai Nicolle, coming up with the story. And if you browse through the comics, we can all agree that it is fucking epic. I mean, just look at this:

I don’t know what you were expected Axe Cop to look like, but I assume that’s pretty close. Now the fire-breathing Tyrannosaurus Rex with machine guns for arms is the kinda borderline heart-attack inducing excitement that many people love. Also, he has sunglasses for fuck sake.

It’s impressive enough that this, now, eight year old has written a madly successful webcomic, but FOX has picked it up for a Season to adapt it into a TV show. What’s better is amazing cast used for the show, including Nick Offerman (Parks and Recreation), Patton Oswalt (King of Queens and general funny guy), Ken Marino (Childrens Hospital, Party Down), Megan Mullally (Will and Grace, and everything Nick Offerman has been in).

Even the guest voice actors are epic, with Breaking Bad veterans Giancarlo Esposito (Gus “Fried Chicken” Fring) and Jonathan Banks (Hitman Mike), Ron Huebel (Human Giant, Childrens Hospital), Dan Harmon (Community) and Michael Madson (Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction).

I can’t fathom how anyone wouldn’t want to watch this. The webcomic’s popularity is in spite of illiteracy and a epidemic aversion to reading, but this amount of unadulterated action and awesomeness cannot go unseen. The first episode has already been released and the first season has an episode run time of only 6 to 11 minutes. Even if it sucks, the images will be so beautiful on screen, you’ll want to play an episode at your funeral to trick people into thinking your life was anything like this.

Dan Harmon’s Ricky and Morty

The outspoken Community creator, Dan Harmon, has made a new show for Adult Swim (an American channel which broadcasts animated shows) called Ricky and Morty that revolves around a Back to the Future Marty and Doc dynamic with a Doctor Who twist.

In less referency terms, a boy and an aged scientist go on sci-fi adventures much to the dismay of the Morty’s parents voiced by Chris Parnell (30 Rock, Archer) and Sarah Chalke (Scrubs, How I Met Your Mother). 

I quickly checked to see if I could watch a preview of it, to pass judgement and deem it look-forwadable or ignorable. This Comic-Con preview can let you decide for yourself, but if a click of the mouse and 2 minutes and 50 seconds of your life if something you would not like to waste or you really value my opinion, it looks like an adult Adventure Time with Finn and Jake with the fantasy elements switched for sci-fi ones. Which is great by me.

It premiers in December. In case you wanted to know.

Heisenberg

Here’s a quick post because I can do whatever the fuck I want and I’m sure my views will stay at a steady two.

Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad, Malcolm in the Middle) hid at the San Diego Comic-Con, being noticed by no one, for the majority of a day, before he revealed himself. Wait though, you haven’t even heard the best part, are you ready? Were you born that way? I mean born ready, not…

Anyways, Bryan Cranston stayed incognito by wearing a realistic and creepy as fuck Heisenberg mask. That is, he was wearing a mask of himself as if he’d murdered himself, skinned (skun?) his own face and wore it Texas Chainsaw Massacre style. I was going to make a joke about Wrinkleface instead of Leatherface, then I remembered this blog is supposed to be funny. Here’s the face that will see every time you close your eyes:

It’s fucking huge. Scrolling down fast through this would be like a screamer video for the deaf. After seeing what it’s like in his own skin, Bryan Cranston ripped off Bryan Craston’s Heisenberg face to dramatically reveal that Bryan Cranston’s lovable face was underneath. Like a twist within a twist.

Or Bryan Cranston within Bryan Cranston. Eww.

The Simpsons Guy

It’s recently been confirmed that next year, there will be a crossover episode of The Simpsons and Family Guy.

Fuck. Yes.

Despite each show being a bit dickish to one another in the past, they rightly squashed the beef and now they are doing something that can only be amazing. In my eyes at least. Some details of the episode have been confirmed and I shall now state them. Anyone who finds that small spoilers are a massive problem, skip the next paragraph.

The Griffins visit Springfield. How do they deal with the colour barrier? Well apparently, the Simpsons assume that the Griffins are a tad albino. The Griffins will assume that people in Springfield have a mass, gross addiction to Sunny D. I think. It’s not been confirmed, but I think. Makes sense. As for the characters, Lisa is gonna try and prove that Meg is talented in some way and even though Lisa-centric episodes are boring to all who watch it, Meg-centric episodes are hilarious because everyone hates her. She’s pathetic and it’s brilliant. Bart and Stewie will be pulling pranks and causing trouble in general, hopefully ending in Stewie going too far by murdering or at least torturing someone. Marge and Lois find a lot in common and have some girl time, which sounds like the least interesting arch in the episode, because, like Lisa, Marge’s episodes are usually pretty crappy and devoid of the dumb humour you get with Homer and Bart. And finally, Homer and Peter will be spending the episode trying to decide which beer is better, Pawtucket or Duff beer. Isn’t that amazing? Peter Griffin and Homer Simpson together. Let it sink in, because I can’t possibly describe how funny that could be. Who the fuck knows where Brian is going to fit in all of this, because Santa’s Little Helper isn’t much of a character. And Chris? What is he gonna be doing? Listening to Grandpa Simpson’s compelling stories is my prediction.

If you skipped the last paragraph, I apologise for the lack of substance you may have perceived in this post.

By the way, I’m assuming that the writing of the show will be along the lines of both creators sitting at a table with some paper, with Matt Groening jotting down a script while Seth McFarlene sneakily peers over Matt’s shoulder. It’s a joke about plagiarism. Did you get it?

Click this picture for something special.

Seth MacFarlane’s Dads

That title may be slightly misleading. He has one dad.

Dads is actually a new live-action sitcom by Seth MacFarlane because, you know, we can’t get enough of him (Family Guy, American Dad, Cleveland Show, Ted). It stars Seth Green, Phoebe’s brother from Friends and a live studio audience.

So prepare for laughter. From other people seemingly stoned on laughter gas.

The show is about two video game developers whose fathers unexpectedly move in with them. Hilarity ensues, supposedly. To be honest, from the trailer Dads looks like a great example of something that Family Guy would take joy in tearing to little fucking pieces in a prolonged gag that eventually becomes boring (refer to past posts for this slight animosity). I can’t judge completely yet since it’s not been broadcasted, but if we consider the trend of Seth MacFarlane shows, shit looks pretty bleak:

That expertly crafted graph demonstrates Seth’s debilitating condition which seems to be draining the funny from him. Those cold, hard statistics are 100% real, so please donate to help him overcome his problem. Other sufferers include Eddie Murphy, Steve Martin and possibly me. So donate to me too.

Side note: Yesterday was the blog’s one month anniversary…so thanks for acknowledging that. No, no, no, of course you didn’t remember, because you’re so fucking busy with more important stuff. Dickhole.

Coach Returns

Remember the token black guy, Coach (played by Damon Wayans Jr.), from the pilot episode of New Girl who was replaced by another token black guy called Winston (played by Winston)?

He’s about to sign a deal to come back to be part of “a significant season 3 arc”. Which we should all be happy about because Coach was kinda funny with all his shouting and we were all just thinking “Oh you! Take a chill pill” while chuckling to ourselves. A less likely plus side to Damon Wayans Jr. becoming a recurring character is that it may open the door to his much more loved father, Damon Wayans Not Jr. (from My Wife and Kids). 

However, there’s a massive problem that must be addressed. Namely that there will be not one, but two black characters on the show. Will that work or will the balance be tipped dangerously? Everyone is aware that there is generally one minority character amongst the friends in many TV shows (Happy Endings, New Girl, Scrubs, Parks and Recreation, The Office US, House, West Wing), so will New Girl run the risk of becoming dangerously diverse? Especially with the curve-ball of an Indian character Cece in the mix.

Probably not since Coach is only staying for Season 3. Sadness.

Troy and Abed

Based on my own opinion, people who watch Community are great appreciators of the Troy and Abed dynamic. Especially with their secret handshake which I’ve tried to implement numerous times but due to the cold reality of a lack of simultaneous action, there’s usually a lot of hesitation before the first contact is made.

Now the important part is over, everyone should know, Donald Glover (Troy) will only be in five episodes of Community next season of thirteen episodes. This is because, at night, he becomes Childish Gambino, a rapper with metaphor dense lyrics and fuck loads of references to how often he likes sex.

So he wants to focus more at that. Rapping about the sex he has. I don’t think he gets to talk about it much on Community.

What will happen to Abed? That’s my main concern. And it should be your concern too. Troy and Abed co-dependently support each other like co-dependent things.

And if you’re wondering what Troy sounds like rapping, but can’t be arsed to Google it, you’re a lazy fuck, here’s a link.

You’re welcome…

Harsh Criticisms 101

Do you wanna hear what Dan Harmon said about Moses Port and Guarascio’s Season 4 of Community.

“Watching those characters without me there was not fucking cool, man. It’s like flipping through instagrams just watching your girlfriend just blow millions of people.”

What a gem that is huh? Harmon is clearly fucking brilliant at similes and metaphors. But wait a second, it gets better.

“There’s something awesome about having any and all of those preconceived notions kind of ripped away from you. It’s exciting. There’s something awesome about being held down and watching your family get raped on a beach. It’s liberating. It makes you focus on what’s important.”

He has such a way with words. And maintains an oddly repetitive connection between his show and examples of voyeurism that are “way too specific to be improvised”. That’s a quote from Jeff in the pilot. Did you get that? Ah, you got it.

Wait…why a beach?